mikeszekely Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Oh man... this was one of those things that, whenever I saw they'd cast Devon Aoki as Kasumi, I knew it'd be a travesty. But I finally brought myself to watch the trailer, and I've realized that Dead or Alive is the worst movie ever. Of all time. A movie so bad that, in 1,000 years, people who see bad films/holovids/etc at where ever people go to do such things 1,000 years from now, they will say to themselves, "That sucked, but it was better than Dead or Alive." The movie sucks so bad that its very existance is a violation of natural laws. This movie sucks so bad that I wish they would have got Uwe Boll for the director, because not even his movies suck this badly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skull Leader Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 I stopped about halfway through the trailor. I went to the bathroom and vomited. I vomited so long that I actually vomited up a cookie I ate back in the third grade. It's as if people who have never heard of the DoA franchise before took the game and tried to make it into something completely unrelated to what it was beforehand. It's so bad that I don't even think they knew they were mauling it! -Jeremy (who isn't really a DoA fan, but is feeling pretty bad for those that ARE just now...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightbat Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 I stopped about halfway through the trailor. I went to the bathroom and vomited. I vomited so long that I actually vomited up a cookie I ate back in the third grade. Hmm,... somehow 'Ace Ventura' springs to mind while you describe this Kasumi is a Man!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeszekely Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 who isn't really a DoA fan, but is feeling pretty bad for those that ARE just now... That would be me. DoA hasn't been around long enough for me to say my childhood's been raped, but maybe I could say that my late teens were molested? What a shitty time for us DoA fans. First we have this godawful trailer letting us know that they're making a godawful movie about our beloved franchise, now we have DoA4 getting delayed... again! What the hell am I supposed to play? I beat Perfect Dark, and I'll be done with Call of Duty 2 long before DoA hits the shelves... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JB0 Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 What the hell am I supposed to play? I beat Perfect Dark, and I'll be done with Call of Duty 2 long before DoA hits the shelves... 349292[/snapback] ZANAC! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sumdumgai Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 Counterstrike Source. Hours and hours of shooting people. WoW. Because you love Many Men Onling Role Playing Girls. Star Wars Battlefront II. Because you can hunt gungans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidearmsalpha Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 I doubt well ever see a really good live-action fighting game movie. The storylines for the games just don't really make good movie plots, and the characters usually look too over the top to be believable. I wouldn't have minded seeing DOA as an anime movie. It's almost like trying to make a good movie out of a good 2D shooter. In a game, you don't care about the unrealism, but it's tough to translate that onto the live-action screen without it looking cheesy. That's the same dilemma that Hollywood has with super hero movies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retracting Head Ter Ter Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 Hey! They have a Kasumi mousepad! If it wasnt so damn expensive I'd buy one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haro genki Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 It wasn't bad enough Hollywood had to keep raping our childhoods... now they have to rape our adulthoods. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercurial Morpheus Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 This movie might actually be funny if it knows how to laugh at itself. Sex, lots of cleavage, a couple of good creative kills, it might be worth spending 10 cents in CD-Rs and the bandwidth to download. 348530[/snapback] That's about it. If it takes itself seriously, it's crap. If it makes fun of itself, it's still crap but at least it might be ok. I liked Devon Aoki in Sin City, she's just absolutely wrong as Kasumi though. Basing a film on another visual media requires that the actors at least look a bit like their characters. She looks nothing like hers. I remember when trailers were supposed to make you want to see a movie, not roll your eyes and groan. There's been why to many lousey ones of late. Either they're like this, or they give the whole film away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graham Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Just watched the trailer to see what all the fuss is about. Gotta agree that it looks terrible and I'm not even a DoA fan. Graham Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myk Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 That's about it. If it takes itself seriously, it's crap. If it makes fun of itself, it's still crap but at least it might be ok. 350578[/snapback] I was hoping that mentality would work for the Dukes of Hazzard movie.......Boy, was I goddamned wrong... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercurial Morpheus Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 That's about it. If it takes itself seriously, it's crap. If it makes fun of itself, it's still crap but at least it might be ok. 350578[/snapback] I was hoping that mentality would work for the Dukes of Hazzard movie.......Boy, was I goddamned wrong... 350585[/snapback] Then we are truly doomed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myk Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Scene 20 is the movie's saving grace, I have to say. I didn't know a car like that could be driven in such a manner... I'll try this with mine... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
areaseven Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Goddamn, this movie is completely miscast. Jaime Pressly is too old to play Tina. And whoever cast Devon Aoki as Kasumi should be shot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoSuchFile Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Makes me wonder why people have high expectations for movies based on games, I mean, if each and every single one of them sucked, why do you even continue to bother? Hollywood produces crap, so what? Simply don't watch it anymore It helps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fortress_Maximus Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 well myk you just didnt stay with noir long enough cause the story does pick up and get very good 347710[/snapback] Sidenote, Noir was dull and flat out boring, not a hell of a lot better than Lain. And I actually watched the entire fracking series for Lain b/c people insisted it got better, BULLSH*T that was biggest waste of time in my life! I don't know about myk, but I watched the first nine episodes of Noir and I was bored and completely unimpressed. *Yawns the popcorn episode, how utterly stupid!* As others have stated, the whole tough chick blasting guns like experts is totally boring. Also, it should NOT take 5+ episodes for a series to "pick up" and get better! Either the series IS or IS NOT good from the get go in episode 1! I.e. Macross, Bebop, Urusei Yatsura, Full Metal Alchemist etc. Back on topic DOA, Dead on Arrival, as others have previously stated would be better off as hardcore porn. So they got a flat chested asian girl, which is forgivable Or would have been, if they had bothered to cast a girl who was remotely attractive. Casting one of the fugliest "actresses" in Hollywood to play one of the hottest videogame ladies was simply an unforgivable offense. The movie simply as no redeeming elements at all. 348016[/snapback] I completely agree! All of the chicks in the video game were hot. The best Hollywood could get was Devon?! How pathetic! There are quite a few lovely Japanese big chester pornstars that would fit the image for role of Kasumi nicely. Why I bet most of us could think of some now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kensei Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Dude the links don't work. One pointed to Munich and the other pointed to Dukes of Hazard. Anyone still got a correct link? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sumdumgai Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Why burn out your eyes kensei? Why? Why do you do it? lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kensei Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Why burn out your eyes kensei? Why? Why do you do it? lol 375694[/snapback] I guess curiosity did kill the cat... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HWR MKII Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 The link on the first page may no longer go to the DOA preview BUT it did lead me to a good one. The Adaptation of Silent Hill is due out on the 21 of next month. IT ACTUALLY DOES LOOK GOOD! Im not a fan of game based movies but i think this one will work. Partly due to the fact the games do play out cinematically so the transition is easier. looks way better than resident evil ever will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sdf-1 Posted March 4, 2006 Share Posted March 4, 2006 (edited) Hahah, so that's how you found it HWR! Though, I get only Munich trailer there. Edited March 4, 2006 by Sdf-1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baronv Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 (edited) Da-dum-dum-dum! Link to the full-streaming Dead or Alive movie: http://www.destructoid.com/the-entire-doa-movie-29535.phtml Be warned, it is as cheesy as you thought it was going to be. Edited February 2, 2007 by baronv Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kung flu Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I saw the dvd on sale at Tescos this morning, and thought, what the f**k when did they make this movie, I've heard nothing about it. As usual the movie would be crap cos its based on a game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikuro Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 HAH! That's hilarious that it went STRAIGHT to DVD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Necron_99 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 What a horrible, horrible movie that was Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dangard Ace Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 B-movie ahoy! God is that what Lui Kang is reduced to? (Robyn Shou). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollo Leader Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Just finished it a little bit ago. All things considering I thought it was an okay flick... okay as in B-rated, Saturday afternoon, popcorn movie "okay". Unlike Van Damme's Street Fighter, Doom, or Super Mario Brothers, I don't regret having watched it. Then again, I didn't spend a penny to watch this! Since this has gone the direct-to-video route I would strongly suggest that the distributors work a deal to put this up for downloading on XBL Marketplace. Since DOA has made Xbox its home for over the last 5 years now, it would make perfect sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myk Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 N-no. I can't believe people actually saw the entirety of this movie. The beginning of the movie had me reminiscing about the time I had 3 root canals done in one session... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyp Durron Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Goddamn it, they took it down...oh well... -Kyp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolfx Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Well...if not for story, at least the girls are nice to look at? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myk Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 If you're going to have a movie about buxom, bouncing fighting babes, then you'd better cast buxom, bouncing actresses to fill those roles and those cup sizes-they didn't in this movie... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolly Rogers Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 B-movie ahoy! God is that what Lui Kang is reduced to? (Robyn Shou). Actually that was Colin Chou, who plays Seraph in the Matrix sequels. Then again... you could have said that after he appeared in Beverly Hills Ninja. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dangard Ace Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Actually that was Colin Chou, who plays Seraph in the Matrix sequels. Then again... you could have said that after he appeared in Beverly Hills Ninja. Robin played the pirate who was getting his ass kicked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolly Rogers Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 OMG you're right! That is SO sad... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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