Downsizing the collection

[ewilen]

I think you should consider marriage counseling. It's wrong for your wife to treat you like a child and force you to give up your memorabilia--that is, assuming your hobby doesn't otherwise interfere with your ability to function normally in life with regard to career and family (and I don't think that "what other people say" counts). On the other hand, maybe you need to consider if trying to hang onto so much "baggage" is holding you back in some way.

In any case, this struggle for control is probably unhealthy; as things stand, if you give in, you're going to feel resentful; if you don't, I would expect continued strife.

[Sam]

Who does she love? Her work collegues or you?

Compromise, sure, but what shes asking aint compromise, its dictatorship.

She needs to REALLY think bout making you give up something you OBVIOUSLY have a passion for.

You will regret getting rid of your collection Im sure, and that will mean you may end up resenting her for making you get rid of it. Thats how this sort of thing normally goes.

Wonder if she ever thought of that ?

Good luck. You might need it.

[Neova]

I blame it on Bellsouth. Her new trainer position there has put her in an uncomfortable frame of mind. She's worried about what her co-workers and classmates will think of her being married to a "Big Kid". She's really blowing it out of proportion, especially with her demands to get rid of fourteen years worth of consoles.

Where is Agent One when we need a manly pep talk here? I see a sissy man a brew'n here:

a) You are marrying your GF, not her job, not her colleagues, not her co-workers. Her family and your future in-laws are attached. No options there. Just move further away.

b) She married you and the history and influences that made you who you are today. Not who she wish you can become or wish you will be. She can find keep on looking if she didn't want to be with you.

From a practical standpoint, if your collection is all over the place and you live in a Walmart / warehouse like environment (not talking about you XSToys... ) unfit to brood a family, then you need to get your act together and trim down your collection:

- There is DVD, DIVX, XVID and other digital means of keeping your video collection.

- You can have emulators to play back your video game collection. I personally love emulating old school games on my PC with 3D acceleration, hi-res monitor, DTS enabled sound system and etc... If I need a bigger screen, the TV out takes care of that aspect. Control adapters exist for console to USB.

Backup all of your stuff, sell it off and upgrade to a phat PC to keep those memories.

From a realistic standpoint, if she doesn't like you for who you are (men don't change, women do) then the answer is obvious:

Keep your collection and go find someone else who appreciates you and all you are, can accept what you will never be and can motivate you to what you can be.

A man without history or laughter is someone I refuse to become and not worth being a man for. Don't be a doormat.

Can I get a Hoo-ah my brothers?

[Jolly Rogers]

From a practical standpoint, if your collection is all over the place and you live in a Walmart / warehouse like environment (not talking about you XSToys... ) unfit to brood a family, then you need to get your act together and trim down your collection:

<trimmed>

Can I get a Hoo-ah my brothers?

Hoo-ah!

[Keith]

Backups are nice, but one nasty virus, and it 's all gone. Plus you don't get all that spiffy box art, and are forced to watch on your computer. I say, if she doesn't go for the new wallunit idea, make a comprimise. For every item she makes you get rid of, you get anal sex. After a few items, you should be cool.

[Jolly Rogers]

For every item she makes you get rid of, you get anal sex. After a few items, you should be cool.

What if she really enjoys it?

[Keith]

For every item she makes you get rid of, you get anal sex. After a few items, you should be cool.

What if she really enjoys it?

Is that not still a victory? He can just change it to "no more anal sex," etc

Edited December 28, 2004 by Keith

[Vince]

everything that used to be your is her now, if she LET you have a room /den as yours, it only fair for her to to do the same -- rest of the house, and she will make the house warm and comfortable too.

However, a lot of women (not all, I hope) eventually turn your space into hers piece by piece. Haven't seen those "while you were out" remodeling show on tv?

you want to keep your stuffs/space, make a contract with her in writing, and put you things in storage or pack them neatly in the artic.

you lose either way.

[Skull Leader]

Man oh man....

any woman who tells me to toss some of all of my collection has basically just told me how impersonal our relationship is. Granted, I tend to keep a pretty small and select collection (I just don't have the room to swing some of these giant collections some of you guys have), but it's very important to me... as important as to help define the person I am. I don't really classify myself as a "geek" ("project phoenix" and myself could SHOW you some anime geeks.... there's a whole club full of them on our campus that both of us refuse to associate with... mostly because we don't particularly enjoy masturbating to Rei Ayanami pics), but I think grown, mature, men (or women for that matter) can have such things. It's no different from a passion with cars, collecting stamps, or coins really. If your collection is truly a part of you (and from just the partial list you described, it would certainly seem so), then she should be willing to match you item-for-item when it comes to a removal.

[do not disturb]

my lesson learned when it comes to giving in.....

give her an inch, she'll want a foot....give her a foot, she'll want a yard...give her a yard, she'll want a whole football field....it doesn't end until you have nothing left but your soul...and she'll take that too.

theres really nothing worse than an so-called "adult" who worries about what others think of him/her. tell her to grow up, sorry but that caring what others think crap is for highschool students.

[nightmareB4macross]

There is nothing to give up, just try to make her understand this is a big part of you and is what makes you whole. If she can't accept that then I would say you really have to think long and hard if this is the woman for you.

As time progresses, it will either get worse or better, depending on what you decide and not what she decides. Make a stand, but always compromise. Remember you have to be able to sway, just DON'T BREAK!

[Jasonc]

This is why I'm sooo glad my new girlfriend knows and understands what I love and what I collect. I learned the hard way and now I'll just let them know upfront what I like, what I'm into, and if they aren't cool with it, it's their decision. Never compromise part of you for P*ssy! Women will respect you more if you stand up to them. Sometimes it takes a little bit of struggle, but at least they'll usually respect you for having the cahones to stand up for what you enjoy.

I tried to compromise with my ex, and like someone said, that foot became a yard, then a football field. Cut the problem at the root, and as long as your manly duties are there and you're keeping up with your end of the marriage, don't give in.

I'm not saying anything bad about your wife. Many women get like that after time, and especially in marriage. Hope I don't catch hell for this, but it's that whole "independent woman" thing and she wants control. Control in a marriage should be a blissful balance, and I'm sure there are other things you can work out that will make her happy and forget about trying to make you rid yourself of your collection/hobby. Update us on your situation, and I hope it works out for you. Marriage is very important as well as principals that govern it. I'm sure it'll work out fine.

[nightmareB4macross]

Jasonc

Well spoken. That really only applies to GF status. Having a wife (soul-mate) is a whole different ballgame.

Kudos!

Edited December 28, 2004 by nightmareB4macross

[Jolly Rogers]

Never compromise part of you for P*ssy!

Amen brother!

Let's all drink to that!

[Jasonc]

Well, I was married once, and no matter how much I compromised, nothing was ever enough. Hard lessons learned, but lessons that made a better me.

[Blaine23]

Eh, my fiance and I made a rule. I have my own space for my collection of toys, and all DVDs (anime or otherwise) are kept in our TV Room. It works pretty good for me, because limiting the amount of space I use keeps me from letting any collection get out of control.

I love my anime & popculture crap as much or more than your average geek - but keeping such things in one area and letting the rest of the house look like a grownup's is a good thing.

[nightmareB4macross]

Hey Blaine,

That's what I have going right now...the one room method. We have the items we collect together in one room of the house, and my mecha items are proudly displayed in another room of the house where I do customs and models.

I understand my wifes concerns, in part it is because she is a purist and likes to keep the common collection morbid, that is why the room is called "the Nightmare Room". My own collection has plenty of room to thrive at my discretion and she occassionally asks how my guys are doing, which in turn let's me know she accepts there existence.

Yang, why not try this method?

[do not disturb]

Eh, my fiance and I made a rule.  I have my own space for my collection of toys, and all DVDs (anime or otherwise) are kept in our TV Room.  It works pretty good for me, because limiting the amount of space I use keeps me from letting any collection get out of control.

I love my anime & popculture crap as much or more than your average geek - but keeping such things in one area and letting the rest of the house look like a grownup's is a good thing.

dats da man with da plan!

same here, though i'm not married nor live with my girlfriend as of yet, but i do have the advantage of having a 2 bedroom apartment. i had some of my toys displayed around in the living room(which she didn't like) but i cleared it out before she asked/told me to do it. doing little stuff like that before she actually has a chance to say it is the key to keeping a woman happy.

now none of my "crap" is anywhere but the spare bedroom, the rest of the place looks like a real home so i get no complaints.

if guests(other couples) come over and ask whats in the other room, i just say its my home office and it ends there....who the heck cares what someone home office looks like?

compromise is good but not to the point where you have to give up who you are/were before you met the girl.

[LORD KUNGFU]

Man, forget that noise. The wifey already knew ahead of time how you are. Its not like you had a dark dorky secret. It wasnt like you got married and then, its like........( Oh! Honey bunch, by the way, I have 3 storage room full of toys that I am going to display around the house and play with and make swooshing sounds when ever we have guests over to our house, especially your co workers..... oh, and going to run around in my underoos and play sega, and eat captain cruch.....everyday will be a saturday for me, weeeeeee..........)

I display my toys all over my damn house if I please, and I do. I aint limiting myself to no damn 1 room or office. And when my garage door opens, theres about 1000 robots peering out of my garage. I got RC helicopters hanging from the ceiling. Shoot man, I might as well be an FAO Shwarz or how ever you spell it. I mean really, who says how a normal house is supposed to look like. Personally, I like my house looking like disnelyland. As long as its clean and not messy looking.

I really dont care what anybody thinks, because my house is worth a million $$$, and everybody with there stupid opinions live in shacks.

There is no reason to be shackled. By a wife or so called normality. It is ok to compromise, as long as you are willing to do so, and not forced or threatened.

This case needs a quote from MEGATRON "I ANSWER TO NO ONE".

[arrow]

i don't know where you live but if you don't have spare rooms, like a study, for your hobby & another room for your wife's hobbies then you are in trouble.

If space is a premium, I suggest you keep all your videos(vhs, dvd,...)

Sell most of your game consoles & get an xbox. Nostalgia is nice but if you aren't playing with your old consoles, sell it & get cash to get other things to add to your hobbies. At least other people(when you sell it) can enjoy & appreciate your classic consoles.

Just my opinion.

[Damaramu]

Heh. Where's Yang now?

Could he be:

A. Giving his wifey what for?

OR

B. Putting his collection on Ebay, all the while sobbing?

But seriously, Yang, what's the dealy-o?

[Kin]

If she's a pain in the ass... why not put all his collection in a large box?

[Jemstone]

You don't have to really get rid fo them. Just get them out of the house. I just put a whole lot of stuff in storage.

[Jemstone]

Never compromise part of you for P*ssy!

Amen brother!

Let's all drink to that!

I take it this is from the single lonely otaku members?

[Yang_Neumann]

Heh. Where's Yang now?

Could he be:

A. Giving his wifey what for?

                  OR

B. Putting his collection on Ebay, all the while sobbing?

But seriously, Yang, what's the dealy-o? 

You're half-right. I'm in the process of weeding out my SNES inventory and I'll be selling one of my SNES units along with 35 games in one lot after the first of the year. Here's the list so far...

SNES w/2 controllers

Super Scope 6 controller

Breath of Fire, Secret of Mana, Final Fantasy Mystic Quest, Secret of Evermore, Super Ghouls and Ghosts, U.N. Squadron, SFII, Super SFII Turbo, Sparkster, Earthworm Jim I & II, Super Mario RPG, Battleclash, Yoshi's Cookie, Yoshi's Safari, Tetris Attack, Contra III: The Alien Wars, Axelay, Cybernator, Gradius III, Super Castlevania IV, Mortal Kombat I, II & III, NBA Jam, F-Zero, Super Mario Kart, Darius Twin, Super R-Type, Phalanx, Pilotwings, Super Mario All-Stars, Zombies Ate My Neighbors, Mega Man X and Super Mario World.

I should note that between my three kids and myself we do have multiples of some of these games. So far I've avoided using them as a tactic in convincing my wife not to go this route. I guess I should use the kids anyway-after all, it's not like I'm fighting for a hentai collection. That would be low. Also, remember the VHS collection is comprised of titles never released on DVD. The DVD recorder option has been floating around for the past two months. If and when I get one will decide the fate of those titles.

Edited December 29, 2004 by Yang_Neumann

[Yang_Neumann]

If she's a pain in the ass... why not put all his collection in a large box?

The majority is in 3 plastic flip-top crates right now.

[Mr March]

This is certainly an entertaining thread

Can't really say much about your situation without knowing more, but I will offer some comments since you felt it necessary to seek out our opinions by posting this topic.

As a member of many "fandoms", it's easy for me to sit here and sympathize with you and your hard times. But I'm not aware of the circumstances surrounding your relationship or how this big problem all came to be. And it is a problem.

Based upon just what you typed, the situation could be more than you realize. Maybe you need to have a serious conversation with your wife about who you are and those "other people". It's also just as plausible that you really need to move on and leave a lot of that junk in the past where it belongs. Sure it's your history, but sounds to me like a good portion of it belongs there.

In either case, you should certainly learn to compromise with your partner and learn moderation in all things...especially your hobbies. You're married now and things change. But you cannot lie to yourself and give up everything. Making yourself unhappy will not make your marriage happy. Resentment is a terrible thing.

A little advice from an unwed, but currently attached man. Take it for what it's worth and I hope it helps.

[Keith]

If you sell anything other than duplicates, I'll mock you as "CASTRADO!"

[Yang_Neumann]

It's boiled down to one of those situations where she wants to have the upper hand. She really wants to go out of her way to take something away from me that she knows is a big part of me. Even with the inevitable removal of the SNES titles so far, she is not satisfied. As many MW members and my mother-in-law have said, all women go through this phase where they feel the need to change their partner. She tried for fifteen years with her husband and one day decided to give up, which by her account means I'll have to endure my wife nagging me about my videogames, long hair and love for Asian culture for another five years.

Seriously, it's now a matter of time before she realizes how stupid she's being about the issue and how much she's blowing it out of proportion. And with her mother siding with me on this (A monumental first in my book) it's going to get ugly.

[Yang_Neumann]

If you sell anything other than duplicates, I'll mock you as "CASTRADO!"

My friends have already beaten you to the punch by using an insult which is one of the worst things you can call a Macross fan (or pilot, for that matter)...

SLACKER!

[Keith]

I still say try the anal sex angle. For every item you lose, you must get anal sex.

[JB0]

If space is a premium, I suggest you keep all your videos(vhs, dvd,...)

Sell most of your game consoles & get an xbox. Nostalgia is nice but if you aren't playing with your old consoles, sell it & get cash to get other things to add to your hobbies. At least other people(when you sell it) can enjoy & appreciate your classic consoles.

Just my opinion.

A collection is a collection.

I play my Atari stuff about as often as I watch my videos(rarely).

But I wouldn't dream of parting with it, because it's my collection. I would never USE a CDX in all probability. But I still want one, just because it's a CDX.

You're putting your priorities onto the issue, which might not be his(in my experience you don't get that many games over that much variety without becoming at least part collector).

[Jolly Rogers]

Never compromise part of you for P*ssy!

Amen brother!

Let's all drink to that!

I take it this is from the single lonely otaku members?

Speak for yourself.

[Vince]

It's boiled down to one of those situations where she wants to have the upper hand. She really wants to go out of her way to take something away from me that she knows is a big part of me. Even with the inevitable removal of the SNES titles so far, she is not satisfied. As many MW members and my mother-in-law have said, all women go through this phase where they feel the need to change their partner. She tried for fifteen years with her husband and one day decided to give up, which by her account means I'll have to endure my wife nagging me about my videogames, long hair and love for Asian culture for another five years.

Seriously, it's now a matter of time before she realizes how stupid she's being about the issue and how much she's blowing it out of proportion. And with her mother siding with me on this (A monumental first in my book) it's going to get ugly.

Something I heard before -- a woman will always want to change her parter to someone else, and the sooner she realize she can only change her perter as much as she is will to change herself, the happier the relationship will be. My question is, if a woman loves someone enough to share a their, why in the hell is it so important the person she loves become someone else?

about 90% of my friends are having the same problem, and almost all guys I know married Asian women are having it worse in term of household decision, hobbies, money, and etc.. Two people really need to put everything on the table before considering starting a live together.

[pfunk]

Um yeah,

everyone has choices, I have basically a room of "hobbie" stuff from car models to Macross to transformers. Not to mention my expensive habbit of restoring cars taking up the entire garage and some of a spare room. I just got married in August, been with the same girl for 4 years now. She once in a while gets mad when a toy comes in. thats part due to the fact of I'm putting to gether a street machine and she only expects to see car parts. Sorry, If I come across a deal or need to complete a collection, I'm not going to pass it up, nor get rid of anything I collected (unless I feel the need). I never asked her to get rid of anything, I wouldnt dream of it. From her Coach purses to those one time use exercise equipment taking up space and all those "clasic" DVD's. Thats hers and what she wants to do with what SHE has, not me. Thats our understanding.

Thats just my story. If your willing to get rid of somethings to make her happy, thats fine as long as you dont regret it in the long run AS long as shes willing to get rid of some of her things also (for money or space) if its just a taking away like you were saying, then take something away from her,,,,like eye makeup or something,??

IF you think you will regret it, you probably will and need to make this clear,,,and if she dont understand it then well, you have another delema.

All I gotta say is Boys need thier toys and good luck with whatever decision you go with it, and if ya need to "borrow" a "pair" look to freinds for support, true freinds will be thier before and after her