Service Humor

[daeudi]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on what action was taken. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Valkyrie pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

_________________________________________________________

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on VF series.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead Varuta on windshield.

S: Live Varuta on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 2 engine missing.

S: Engine found after brief search.

P: Valk handles funny.

S: Valk warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with "Planet Dance" lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

------------------

Please feel free to add your own (these are modified from reports from Qantas airlines.)

[treatment]

rol!

thanks for the laff!

[Anubis]

I love reading stuff like that. Seen some ones in real life too. It's hard to believe some of the things that get entered in forms. Or what people lose in cockpits.

You have a lot of FOD jets from pilots leaving things in the cockpit, and then going back to get it after they tell the crew chief super that the item was lost. Pens, magnifying glasses, flashlights. Crap you know isn't there but have to waste time searching for anyway.

Before the final NVIS mods were done to our Block 40 F-16's at Hill a temp mod was installed which basically was just green christmas tree lights velcroed in groups of 2 ro 3 all around the cockpit. No surprise they became a complete FOD headache. Especially by the throttle.

Speaking of throttle how about all the times someone kicked a knob on the throttle handle, broke the button off, and a spring and 2 ball bearings would pop right into the cockpit. Nightmare to find, and like every screw you wished was magnetic, wasn't. Wing kept denying approval to custom a simple cover so people couldn't kick the throttle. One could say the cover wasn't needed if people were careful, but of course they weren't.

Anyway back to topic, thanks for the laugh.

[xMaDxPeNgUiNx]

Wow.. LMAO!!!

I needed a good laugh today...

Thanks!!!

[Legend of TSXer]

Thanks for the laugh daeudi! I wish I could say that kind of stuff at work and not get fired!

[Gaijin]

Hehe, pretty good.

[RichterX]

Was that of one the white VF-11C from M7, so that is why they were always exploding?

[Mr March]

I've seen the list and it's no less funny the second time around. Nice Macross modifications

[Godzilla]

That was too damn funny. I needed that laugh.

[Yohsho]

Thank you for the good laugh

[Kamjin 639]

I think that we should try some of our own--this thread could get built-on and hopefully go for a while.

I'm not going for absolute greatness, but here's a couple of mine:

P: Gerwalk lever broken

S: Battloid lever modified to only go down half-way

P: Thrusters minimally responsive

S: Gave thrusters some encouragement

P: Gunpod jammed

S: Added peanut butter for good measure

P: Too much air pressurising in space

S: Poked hole in overhead canopy

P: Sound Packs not loud enough

S: No action taken

[Knight26]

Some based on trouble calls we've recieved on our launcher:

P: Command DC Breaker Tripping

S: Tied Breaker's Shoelaces

P: Elevation Drive Manual Gear Stripped

S: Added Automatic Dressing Feature

P: Missiles Will Not Fire

S: Safe/Arm Keyswitch Rotated To On Position (yes I did get this call once from a ship)

P: Tailfins Failed To Unfold

S: Origami Expert Call In

P: Radar Not Feeding Targetting Data To Missile Launchers

S: Radar Ordered To Report To Server Duty On The Mess Decks

P: Main Display Starting Up Slowly

S: Main Display Given Coffee

P: Battroid Mode Continuity Loop Fails

S: Continuity Loop Tutored

P: Ejection Seat Feels Low

S: Ejection Seat Sent To Therapy

P: Battroid Too Heavy With GBP Armor

S: Battroid Sent To Jenny Craig

Edited July 7, 2004 by Knight26

[Knight26]

Oops, double post.

Edited July 7, 2004 by Knight26

[Anubis]

P. Speaker Pod disabled.

S. Action already taken.

[JB0]

P. "LISTEN TO MY SONG!"

R. VF-19 comm systems disabled.

We now return you to your regularly-scheduled non-mocking of Macross 7.

[Yohsho]

P: Tailfins Failed To Unfold

S: Origami Expert Call In

That one is good. I don't know why I like it but I do.

[Lt. Adamovic]

you're cracking me up guys

keep it up....

here's a try of my own

P: I don't feel like flying this partycular Valk anymore

S: But the poor girl will take it sooo personally

[JValk]

P: Nosecone falls off in Battroid Mode

S: Battroid Supporter installed

[ManxoChu]

P: Battroid manipulators sluggish to respond.

S: VF-Strength Bengay applied.

P: Comm systems transmitting japanese-sounding Minmei.

S: No action taken.

[Angel's Fury]

P: Battroid Too Heavy With GBP Armor

S: Battroid Sent To Jenny Craig

[Wes]

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

my favorite