Welcome to Crazy Larry's Alpha Emporium Blowout Spectatular Sale!!!
Everything must GO! Want an Alpha Fighter? Come on down! We've got red ones! We've got blue ones! We've got green ones! Holy cow, we've even got a few Shadows, if you prefer!
We'll beat any competitor's price, or YOU get to take home a FREE CYCLONE!!!*
Our own fleet of semi trucks makes home delivery FAST and EASY! We'll have it at your home GUARANTEED** within 72 hours, or it's FREE!!!***
Don't miss out! We've got popcorn and balloons for the kids!**** Come on down and let ME put YOU into an Alpha!!!
* Recipient is responsible for any and all taxes, duties, and other fees. Home delivery not an option for any free Cyclone. Take it home yourself, jerk.
** No guarantee is written or implied. It just sounds good.
*** You're driveway must be large enough for semi and trailer to do a figure-eight to qualify for free delivery. We will not park on the street under any circumstances. But we may dump your purchase there if we choose.
**** Don't bring your kids.