Knight26 Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 Hey all, it looks like the publisher Baen books is getting ready to start a new sci-fi magazine. I am going to try and submit some of my short stories to them. THing is their submission system works one of two ways. I can send in an unsolicitated submission via their submission form, or I can do it through their bulletin board after which, if enough interest is generated they may publish it. So, would I be able to count on you guys to help out and go to the Baen's bar on www.baen.com and take a look at the short stories I put up there in order to increase traffic and apparent interest, leaving comments would be doubly helpful as well. Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eugimon Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 link! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight26 Posted May 11, 2006 Author Share Posted May 11, 2006 Once I put it up I will, but I can't do that at work, the IT folks have some wierd protocol as to which forums they block and that is one of them, ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight26 Posted May 12, 2006 Author Share Posted May 12, 2006 Ok it is posted, but you may have to create an account to look at it, sorry: http://bar.baen.com/WB/default.asp?action=...ad=82542&fid=65 Please feel free to make any comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight26 Posted May 12, 2006 Author Share Posted May 12, 2006 It looks like an account will be required to look at the story, sorry guys, but I have already gotten one comment back, so I may try a significant rewrite of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gui Posted May 13, 2006 Share Posted May 13, 2006 I couldn't read your short stories but my english is probably not accurate enough to be of any help anyway... Though, I can recommend you this link which may help you write better SF stories Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight26 Posted May 15, 2006 Author Share Posted May 15, 2006 aarggh. Ok I posted my first short story to the web board. they tore it assunder, which I expected, hey they are editors on there so I actually wanted critiques. What got me though is that they are saying that overall universe title I selected "The Infinity War" is already taken. heck one guy said it was a copyright infringement and to forward it to Marvel, who apparently own the name. Now I for one had never heard of a Marvel Comics series by the name of Infinity War before, so I know that no true copyright infringment occured. However I will ahve to select a new overall title and am coming up short. I'm kind of leaning towards "Infinite Space" sort of take on Larry Niven's Known Space series of books, but am not sure. What do you all think? I would rather not name the series after any one particular group or ship because I do like to branch out and tell side stories. So what do you all think, any thoughts, ideas, advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dangard Ace Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 Marvel had a series about the Infinity Gauntlet leading to Infinity War leading to Infinity Crusade. Check out wikipedia.org for details. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight26 Posted May 15, 2006 Author Share Posted May 15, 2006 The problem DA is that the title is taken and copyrighted because of that so I need to find a new one. I did some searching and discovered the Marvel title after I found out about my little mistake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phalanx Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 The problem DA is that the title is taken and copyrighted because of that so I need to find a new one. I did some searching and discovered the Marvel title after I found out about my little mistake. 399663[/snapback] How bout this title name Knight 26; BATTLE: Unlimited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight26 Posted May 15, 2006 Author Share Posted May 15, 2006 WTF? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phalanx Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 WTF? 399677[/snapback] You serious? I was just trying to help you out Unless you weren't expecting a title that's not to cheesy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight26 Posted May 15, 2006 Author Share Posted May 15, 2006 Yeah I am trying for something that doesn't just scream out cliche or cheese Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macross73 Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 cant read your stuff at work. Can you write a summary of it? to help with coming up with a Title Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phyrox Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Yeah I am trying for something that doesn't just scream out cliche or cheese 399680[/snapback] If that's the case I wonder why you set on "infinity war" in the first place. No offense, but it screams generic sci-fi epic to me. You should post a link to a .word file of your first chaper or so so we can help/comment as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight26 Posted May 16, 2006 Author Share Posted May 16, 2006 None taken Phyrox, I think the reason that I kept the I-War title as long as I did was just that when I came up with it, it was the least cheesy of all the titles I pondered and made the most sense. I've kept it for so long just out of, I guess habit. I've written down like a dozen and a half new overarcing titles and none of them really jump out at me much, except mayb "Infinite Space" but even that one doesn't grab me too much. Plus it is the title of math textbook, I looked this time. As for a synopsis. Well the main series follows a special operations rescue team in a future war. That is the short version, basically the war has two major sides, the Universal Confederation of Sentient Beings (UCSB) who are the "good guys" and the Galactic Federation, which is Earth Based, and they are the "bad guys." The real good guys and bad guys will eventually be shown but let us say that there is a lot string pulling going on on both sides. The title for this particular story came about pretty easily, and should be fine. The biggest problem will come from the main series itself, though I may just name the main series after the team the main characters are on. The only problem I see with that is that it could result in a three line title. So the first book's title could easily become: ACADEMY A Blazer Force Adventure In the Infinite Space Universe Or something to that effect. Then again i could just use an overarcing universe title like Infinite Space, but never have it show up in the title, sort of how Larry Niven does it in his Known Space series. I dunno this whole thing has me second guessing, I just got so attached to the Infinity War title that now I am having a hard time letting it go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emajnthis Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 why don't you throw some of your sci-fi buzz words into a thesaurus and see what comes out. Then put the best two or three words into a string title and stick with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight26 Posted May 16, 2006 Author Share Posted May 16, 2006 (edited) As requested I am attaching a sample from the first book, this is the prologue, and heck the first "chapter": I have removed the documents, if you would like to see them to give feedback PM me. Edited May 17, 2006 by Knight26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sundown Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 As requested I am attaching a sample from the first book, this is the prologue, and heck the first "chapter": 399904[/snapback] Hope you don't mind some constrictive criticism. I like some of the ideas and background presented so far, and the story being told first from the point of the aliens encountering humans is a nice twist. The are are a lot of elements that I think could work... but the writing style so far seems a bit sterile. It feels like a treatment or screenplay, where the author is clinically describing things in a way that disperses the drama and emotion that should be there. I feel like someone could effectively animate or film the scene based on your setup, but reading it, I feel removed and distant from the telling. And from what I've read, I feel like the chapters suffer a bit from over-exposition (which is something even prolific sci-fi writers are often guilty of)... there's a rule in writing-- Show, don't Tell. Explain if you can through dialogue, thoughts, or actions. Chunks of exposition here and there are fine, but nearly two pages of it, full of sci-fi-y terms and names thrown at the reader before we get to the first line of dialogue can be a little bit overwhelming. And I feel like we should get a hint that the prologue is a journal entry earlier on, and would let the reader understand at least why that section is written with an expository tone. And I just realized why everything continues to feel sterile in the first chapter-- everything is written in present tense! This tone doesn't work very well in novels, and can be tiring to read in large chunks, and worse, can sound amateurish. In either case, it sounds like something from a text-based computer game. That's probably not what you're going for. Making the switch to a more standard past tense might help a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight26 Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 Thanks for the comments Sundown, I've actually had the present tense / past tense arguement many times, I guess I did it originally as an experimetn just to see what it would be like and kept on doing it. Maybe then I should go back into the more standard past tense telling. About the prologue, I actually write all the prologues as letters or papers by a territiary character. But I guess this one is the only one that doesn't say that right away. Ok, I will put something at the beginning to make it look like the unfinished paper that it is. Maybe just take the last part, with his name and date and put it back at the beginning, with a "working title". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sundown Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 No prob... my other thoughts for "fixing" the vague narrator of the prologue were using a different font and larger margins for journal entires, or lacing the prologue itself with more personal references like "we" or "our", that suggest not an all see-ing narrator but someone in your fictional world. Might also wanna experiment with dropping the Prologue title all together, to give it a grittier feel? I usually imagine prologues as being told by an omnicient narrator, and having it be both a prologue and a journal entry may be a bit confusing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight26 Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 I know the book you are talking about Death Hamner, I have friends who used to work in a bookstore, I really should ask them to check titles for me, lol. As for the CYA, I am actually going to pull down the documents as I think everyone who is goign to read them and give good feedback on here probably has. On the Baen Board though they will provide you with protection automatically, in order to cover their own tales. Yeah and the Matrix thing was a major coup. OF course IMHO the Matrix is one of those stories taht on the surface seems interesting, but the deeper you delve the more illogical it becomes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sundown Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Deathhammer pretty much just said everything else I'd been thinking. As far as hooking the reader goes, you might want to consider changing the prologue to the actual beginning of the story proper, and simply telling it not as a journal entry, but as it's actually happening. An alien pilot on a routine patrol, meeting these self-destructive, crazy Terrans for the first time does make me wonder-- what happens next? If you can flip everything around, and turn the humans that we're so familiar with into subjects of mystery, and show how the behaviors that we're so familiar with can seem totally wacky and dangerous to the logic of an outsider, I think that could make for a pretty intriguing beginning. This has probably been done before in sci-fi, but not often or well enough that I remember a vivid example of it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight26 Posted May 18, 2006 Author Share Posted May 18, 2006 Thanks for the comments guys these are the types of things I really do need to see to make my writing better. I will keep everything said in mind as I progress through the next rewrite. How about this as an idea for the prologue rewrite... I open with someone reading a multimedia report compiled by Jordan Vaughnt, it opens with the openning lines interspersed with video clips. The video clips could have dialogue to help draw the reader in and I will include some more of the "hidden" history that I glossed over in this version, making some vague implications about who is pulling the strings. How does that sound? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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