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frothymug
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  • 3 weeks later...
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Alright guys, I have a few questions for you regarding Macross Elysium.

-Where do you think the plot should go from where it's at?
-What kind of Valkyries do you want to see?
-What kinds of enemies do you think would play out well?

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Alright guys, I have a few questions for you regarding Macross Elysium.

-Where do you think the plot should go from where it's at?

-What kind of Valkyries do you want to see?

-What kinds of enemies do you think would play out well?

I finally got around to reading your chapter 3 today, as I am hoping it will help put me in the mood to turn out another chapter in my fanfic. Here are some impressions and suggestions:

While your overall Valkyrie art is great, some of the close-up shots are difficult to make out. Like at the end of Ch. 3, it looks like the pilot tosses his Dragunov away and then clutches another rifle that was stored on the leg of his VF-19? During the action, I have to look closely at the model of the VF to find out which character is doing what. Perhaps you are putting TOO MANY different Valks in the same scenes. Just in that one scene alone, we have a VF-4, VA-3 (nice!), VF-11, and VF-19, along with a couple of EX-gears. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should try to "color" or "shade" them in a way that makes them easier to discern.

As far as plot goes, it may have been awhile since I read the first two chapters, but I don't even remember what the plot is so far. A pilot with some emotional baggage, and he's out for a bit of a joyride, when he comes across some students training in EX-gears out on some lunar-ish landscape. Some bad guys happen to be planning some bad things when they get discovered by a student and the MC has to come in to save the student and regulate the baddies. Could go anywhere from here, to be honest.

I like the idea you put forth in your Ch. 3 prologue, in that most people use Valks for personal transportation and entertainment, while others use them to protect and/or do bad guy stuff. I think the customization concept could be made out into a strong one, where this one pilot is able to fend off more advanced VFs by just being more prepared and uses his skill and experience to overwhelm the bad guys. Maybe there are local competitions held where there are 1 on 1 dogfights, where losing the match may also mean losing your life. Think Robot Jox, but not as campy.

I'll keep thinking on the idea and let you know if I come up with anything else. Oh, and as far as other Valks to add, I'd suggest the old adage, "less is more". Keep the roster thin or it may get too difficult to follow along the action scenes.

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I finally got around to reading your chapter 3 today, as I am hoping it will help put me in the mood to turn out another chapter in my fanfic. Here are some impressions and suggestions:

While your overall Valkyrie art is great, some of the close-up shots are difficult to make out. Like at the end of Ch. 3, it looks like the pilot tosses his Dragunov away and then clutches another rifle that was stored on the leg of his VF-19? During the action, I have to look closely at the model of the VF to find out which character is doing what. Perhaps you are putting TOO MANY different Valks in the same scenes. Just in that one scene alone, we have a VF-4, VA-3 (nice!), VF-11, and VF-19, along with a couple of EX-gears. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should try to "color" or "shade" them in a way that makes them easier to discern.

As far as plot goes, it may have been awhile since I read the first two chapters, but I don't even remember what the plot is so far. A pilot with some emotional baggage, and he's out for a bit of a joyride, when he comes across some students training in EX-gears out on some lunar-ish landscape. Some bad guys happen to be planning some bad things when they get discovered by a student and the MC has to come in to save the student and regulate the baddies. Could go anywhere from here, to be honest.

I like the idea you put forth in your Ch. 3 prologue, in that most people use Valks for personal transportation and entertainment, while others use them to protect and/or do bad guy stuff. I think the customization concept could be made out into a strong one, where this one pilot is able to fend off more advanced VFs by just being more prepared and uses his skill and experience to overwhelm the bad guys. Maybe there are local competitions held where there are 1 on 1 dogfights, where losing the match may also mean losing your life. Think Robot Jox, but not as campy.

I'll keep thinking on the idea and let you know if I come up with anything else. Oh, and as far as other Valks to add, I'd suggest the old adage, "less is more". Keep the roster thin or it may get too difficult to follow along the action scenes.

Thanks for the feedback! I'm constantly learning how to make this better and I appreciate the kind words as well as the criticism. You are right about the VF-19, by the way; the Dragunov is tossed aside and the battroid draws a pair of shortened GU-15s to use for close combat (I call em GU-15Kurz mini-pods). But I agree on your points about making things more discernable and making the valkyries stand apart from one another.

I've noticed that I've been approaching this comic as though it were animated rather than if it were an actual comic. Because of this, I often find that I'm running into walls on making movement scenes too fluid so it's not quite clear what's happening. It's something I hope to improve upon in the future!

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I really get the impression that you had a story originally in mind and then it turned out to be something of a test vehicle for you to see what you can do with Valks and comic pages. So far, I'd say it's been pretty positive.

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Frothy I know you are really busy with your studies and everything, just wondering if you have an idea off the top of your head of when you be able to write the next chapter for United We Stand. I really like your story and I think I speak for most, we all want to see how it finishes.

Edited by grigolosi
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I started working on a new chapter last night. The good news is that when I start something, I feel compelled to finish it as soon as possible. I'm also not working nor going to school at the moment, so I should have plenty of time to finish in the next few days.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The new chapter has been more difficult to write than I expected. I've also been really distracted by a few games (Rocket League is amazing!). I've finished about 1/3 to 1/4 of the chapter, and it's looking like this one is going to be longer than usual. Just wanted to give a head's up to anyone who's wondering.

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I'll post here how Lonely Soldier Boy ( lucas marangon ) helped me design the enemy mecha and carrier ship for my FanFiction book - ZeroG. ( all designs copyright 4 Alarms Studios )

After his first rough mecha sketch, I sent him back this pic -- adding a gun to the arm and showing him the bad guy robots I was thinking about, and how big I wanted it compared to a hero mech.

post-8486-0-02054400-1439492290_thumb.jpg

I also had an idea that the baddies would be carried by some kind of fighter, and that the second pilot could drop directly into the mecha's cockpit, and then drop from the ship into the battle zone. Here was his first sketch on that.

post-8486-0-23039500-1439492461_thumb.jpg

I added that triangle ship in the corner and said I wanted the final ship to look like his design and that triangle ship had a baby...

FROTHY - I think you gave me the Scimitar name!

So here is the final baddy - a J8-81 Scimitar and Scimitar Carrier Fighter . . .

post-8486-0-00909000-1439492672_thumb.jpg

post-8486-0-11417300-1439492681_thumb.jpg

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Got back from hiatus for personal reasons, although I had to go to Vietnam...

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10447454/3/Conspiracy

3rd chapter's been up for a while. Doing the next one. I should diverge from canon soon.

Story's a mix of Macross Frontier and bits of Assassin's Creed with some on Marvel Cinematic Universe and Scooby Doo! Mystery Inc. in terms of character descendants.

----

If anyone wants to leave a review on via FF.net website, please do. I appreciate any comments you may have.

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I said I would post this on the 25th, but the prospect of outside influences have prompted me to post it early. I present to you all, the first look at the motion comic of Macross Elysium; The Kinetic Edition. See it early at Macrossworld Con 2015!



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  • 3 weeks later...
Chapter 59




Some character development for the main protagonists... in fact this "date" under the VF-17S2 is the first time in 59 chapters that these two are alone and can talk to each other.

Anyway.. as always, in Spanish -_-

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